Drive Me Sane Read online

  “What do I win?” She laughed.

  “This.” He kissed her. Hard. Unrelentingly and feverously. He poured every kiss he’d missed the last three years into it, working their mouths together, tangling his fingers through her hair as he did.

  “I like winning,” she said, smiling when he pulled back.

  • • •

  By late afternoon, they’d caught at least a dozen fish between them. Sera hid a mischievous grin every time she pulled one in bigger than Tyler’s. It was an unspoken challenge of who could outdo the other and one that they both took seriously. That was, until she looked over and found him staring intently off into the water waiting for a tug on his line. His determined stance made her lose interest in the game. She put down her pole and sat balled up on the seat, content to watch him for the rest of the day.

  The sheer sunlight cast a pink glow across his chest, contrasting the barely visible white line that peeked out from the khaki shorts riding low on his waist. He’d regret not wearing sunscreen tomorrow, but the bronzing he would receive as a result would probably help even out the two tones on his arms. Not that it mattered to her. She liked him just as he was.

  She liked all of him, not just his looks. His humble personality was equally attractive as the side of him that never faltered in making her laugh. In so many ways he was still the same Tyler that she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. Yet in many ways he’d changed too. She hated to say that he’d grown a temper, but he had, in a good kind of way. No longer was he the passive boy who never wanted to fight. He’d matured into a man who didn’t settle for anything less than what he wanted—and he’d made it clear he wanted her. Or at least a chance to see if they still had any kind of future together. She’d love nothing more than to see that happen, but she also had worries of living up to the woman he remembered. Because like him, she knew she’d changed too.

  “Like what you see?”

  His sexy drawl forced her eyes back up to his face. She grinned at the idea of being caught ogling him. “Of course.”

  Reeling in his line, he set it aside and took a seat next to her, pulling her close when he stretched out and crossed his ankles. Basking in the warmth of the day, they sat like that for a long time, enjoying the soft rock of the boat, with neither saying anything. It was a comfortable silence, unlike those that plagued them just a few days ago. For the first time in months, she felt completely relaxed. There wasn’t any pressure to think about getting her life together or worries that something might go wrong. It was just her and Tyler and nothing else but the afternoon sun.

  “I’ve missed this,” Tyler said after a few moments.

  Sucking in a breath of fresh air, she turned her head up toward the sky. “Me too. I can’t remember the last time I went fishing.” She considered when Tyler’s last time fishing might have been, wondered how often he really made time for himself.

  Tyler imitated her actions, looking up into the sunlight, then leaned in, nudging her shoulder. “I’m not just talking about fishing. The peace and quiet and being here with you.” Moving his hand through her hair, he turned down to nuzzle her face her again. “I’ve missed you, Sera. I mean, really missed you. I know we already talked about what happened, but just because we weren’t together didn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking about you. ’Cause I did, every day.”

  She lifted her head, trying not to get caught up in the swell of emotions swirling through the air. Shading her eyes, she answered back, “I missed you too. But …” She leaned back into his embrace “I think you need to make more time for yourself.”

  “That’s kind of hard to do right now.”

  “What’s so hard about it?”

  “When you have responsibilities, you have to take care of them.”

  “Maybe you should cut back on your responsibilities, then.”

  “Again, that’s easier said than done, sweetheart.”

  “I don’t see that it is.”

  “It is when I have people telling me I need to go here or go there. I can’t just say no.”

  “Then tell the people that you need to relax.”

  “Somehow I don’t think they’d quite understand. It’s a business. It’s about making money.”

  She straightened, pulling a bent knee into the seat. “Aren’t you the boss, though?”

  He laughed. “Sort of … not really. I may not be an employee per se, but I still have people who are in charge of my career who I have to answer to.”

  “But don’t you choose those people? I mean your manager, publicist, everyone else. You hire them, right?”

  “I do.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “They do what’s best for me and I have to trust them and do what they say.”

  Seeing they were talking in circles, she let out a sigh, then asked, “Can I ask you something?

  “Sure.”

  “Did you start singing for the money?”

  “You know I didn’t.”

  “Then why is it important to push yourself past the point of exhaustion just to make a dollar?”

  “It’s not about the money.”

  “Then what’s it about?”

  “Letting people down and not giving my all to those that believed in me.”

  “So it’s the people responsible for your career that you’re worried about?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I think you need to find new people, then. Whether they opened up doors for you or not, you need someone who understands what’s important to you. Killing yourself isn’t important.”

  He laughed again. “Maybe I need you in charge of my career.”

  “Oh no,” she said. “That would be a disaster.”

  “All right, well then, let me ask you something.”

  “What?”

  “If you hadn’t gone into the army, what would you have done?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Of course.”

  “Probably worked at Merv’s until your career took off, then gone wherever you were at.”

  It was a moment before he responded and she worried maybe she’d fallen back into the ease of their relationship too easily. She was starting to talk without weighing her words and found herself saying things that a week and a half ago she never would have thought about saying.

  Then he asked, “Would you consider it now?”

  Startled with the question, she looked away, but didn’t hesitate to answer. “I can’t right now, Tyler.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I have too much going on.”

  “Whether you’re here or with me, that’s not going to change.”

  “No, it’s not,” she said. “But you don’t need me tagging along right now. You’ve got enough to worry about.”

  “And you think I’m not going to worry about you when I leave? At least if you were with me, I’ll know how you’re doing.”

  “Tyler,” she pleaded. “Trust me on this. I’m not ready.”

  Another silence followed. Worrying that Tyler might sink back into the strain of the past week and hoping to deflect the tension, she stood, picking her pole up. “You’re the one breaking the rules now.”

  He followed her lead, slinging his arm out widely. The lure glided through the air and drop into the water. So much for having a good day.

  CHAPTER 16

  “Ouch,” Tyler barked.

  “Sit still.”

  “Quit being so rough.”

  Tyler’s back arched when the glop of cold aloe vera gel ran down his scorched flesh. He winced when Sera’s hands began to work in circles, lathering up the ointment.

  “I’m not being rough. I told you to put on sunscreen.”

  She’d known as soon as they got home yesterday that he would be paying for his lack of skin protection. He carried his pale complexion well, but the bright rays of the sun had never been his friend.

  “Sunscreen is for pansies.”

  “Sunscreen is for people who do
n’t want skin cancer or wrinkles.”

  “Darlin’, you’re going to get wrinkles anyway. It’s called old age and we are all going to die someday.”

  “Maybe so,” she answered, grazing her fingertips over his velvet colored shoulders. “But why hurry the process or make it worse? There,” she said with the click of the lid. “Can we go now? I’m ready for another day enjoying the outdoors.”

  Holding on to the sidebar of the Kubota with a death grip, Sera’s body jostled from side to side along the rough narrow path. The long sleeves she wore did nothing to inhibit the briar bushes from attaching her arms, but at least her legs were safe inside the all-terrain vehicle. The vibration of her head against the back of the seat as they ascended up a small hill made her wonder why on earth she’d once thought riding the old logging trails behind Roy’s house was fun. That was, until the bumpy road turned into one of the many hidden beauties of the Bluegrass State: an open pasture filled with leafy green grass and blossoming white and yellow wild flowers.

  With a bottle of water, she and Tyler sat on top of a large boulder, taking a break. The fresh air was a godsend after the dust from the trail, as was the slight breeze that blew giving some reprieve to the warm temperature—also indicating that the weatherman was correct. Rain showers were moving in, not that the already flourishing foliage needed any. The vibrant colors of summer were in bloom all around.

  Twisting the lid back on her bottle, she looked up at the sky, searching for more proof of the incoming weather. Aside from a few cotton-colored clouds mingling together, nothing stood out. Although she was trying not to think about it, the talk the day before had cemented the fact that Tyler’s time was winding down. Nothing permanent other than she wasn’t going with him had been discussed. The possibility of leaving with Tyler wasn’t something she’d considered when she decided to give this romance a second chance. Actually there was no choice to be made. Long distance for now was all that she could give. It was a situation that scared her, though, because the separation had been tough for them before.

  “So where does the tour kick off?” she asked, dangling her feet against the oversized rock.

  “Charlotte.”

  “Are you excited?”

  “Yeah, I am, but it’s also a lot of work. I’ll be worn out by the time February comes.”

  “You’ll be home for Christmas, right?”

  Tyler threw her a teasing grin. “Missing me already?”

  “Actually I am.” Although fully clothed, saying things like that made her feel as if she were stark naked.

  “Then come with me.”

  She took in a sharp breath, unable to blame anyone but herself for opening the door to that again. Unfortunately, this time she couldn’t use the excuse of breaking rules to change the subject. “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Not really. I don’t understand what’s stopping you.”

  Sliding off the side of the rock, she crossed her arms and ankles and leaned back. “I have appointments, for one.”

  “We’ll make sure you’re home for the appointments.”

  She let out a deep breath. What happened to things being easy? “It’s not just about the appointments.”

  Tyler jumped down next to her. The empty water bottle in his hand wound up tightly into a spiral. “Is it about not trusting me, then?”

  Irritated that he’d brought up trust as an issue, she straightened her shoulders. “You wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed if I didn’t trust you.”

  He matched her stare, the disdain in his voice clear. “We aren’t exactly sleeping together, though.”

  She needed no reminder that they weren’t having sex. Every night as she stretched out next to him and every morning as she woke with him by her side, her body informed her of its frustrations.

  “Is this how it’s going to be?” she snapped back.

  “How what’s going to be?”

  “We spend the last few days fighting over every stupid little thing?”

  He leaned back. His jaw set tight as he ground his teeth together. “Are you going to tell Roy?”

  She turned, planting a shoulder against the rock, knowing exactly what he was asking. “No. And you’re not going to either.”

  “Does your mom know?”

  “No,” she spat, growing frustrated.

  “How much have you told Maggie?”

  “Nothing.” Sera looked down at the ground. “She thought my appointment was a routine physical exam. Something the army requires when you get out.”

  “What about anybody you served with? Do you keep in contact with any of them?”

  Rollins popped into her head. She hadn’t heard from him for almost ten months. But not a day went by he didn’t seep into her mind. “Most are getting ready to redeploy or have been transferred somewhere else. Some have gotten out and we’ve lost touch.”

  “So you have no one.”

  He made it sound terrible. As if she was all alone without a friend in the world. Which she was, in a way. Except for him, and he was leaving. “I do just fine by myself.”

  He smirked with annoyance. “Really, Sera? Fine? I don’t think sitting out by a railroad track freaked the hell out is fine.”

  His point made, she flamed with irritation that he’d done so with such a low blow. Hands on her hips, she shouted, “What do you want me to say, Tyler? I’m lost here, but I’m trying. If I leave with you now, I’d drive us both crazy. You can’t babysit me and that’s what you’d want to do. I can’t drive, I barely sleep. You want to drag me out on the road with you and deal with all of that when you already have so much stress in your life? No, thanks! I’ve already messed up one person’s life. I’m not going to be responsible for another.”

  • • •

  Tyler watched Sera walk away. Swearing underneath his breath, he yelled, “Hey, where are you going?” When she didn’t stop, he ran to catch up. “Where are you going?”

  She didn’t turn. “Home.”

  “Stop. Talk to me.”

  Her stride never broke as she climbed into her seat. Tired of all the stifled talks just to keep peace, he leaned against the side with his shoulder, waiting until she was settled, then asked, “What do you mean, you can’t drive?”

  So much was starting to make sense, yet it didn’t. The walking back and forth to town, the using the push mower. She’d even told him she’d sold her car, which seemed silly since she hadn’t bought a new one.

  “Answer me,” he demanded, when she turned her face away.

  Still nothing. The agitation he felt from his first few days back in Cobb City came barreling back. He thought they’d surpassed all the secrets. “What do you mean, you can’t drive, Sera?”

  When she still refused to look at him, he lost his patience and slammed both fists down on the top of the Kubota. She jumped at the sound, but said nothing. “Talk to me, dammit!”

  Her face finally met his, and a river of silent tears ran steadily down each flushed cheek. Even through the anger of being ignored, his gut twisted. Raking a hand through his hair, he rounded the front of the vehicle and got in. He knew not being able to drive was directly related to the incident in Afghanistan. Swallowing back his anger, he said, “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, but I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen, so I’m asking. What happened over there?”

  Sera wiped at her face, corralling the tears as she sniffed back the emotions she’d let loose. For a few moments, Tyler wasn’t sure she would answer, but then when she quieted, she finally did.

  “We were on security duty. Rollins and I were in front leading the way,” she wept.

  He sat quietly listening, waiting for her to go on, all the while also considering who Rollins was. Obviously someone she served with, but man or woman, enlisted or superior? And was Rollins the one she’d been involved in the accident with?

  “We had to ride around the perimeter of the town we were in. It was an easy task. In the eleven months we’d been there, there ha
dn’t been any threats and no reason to worry. They tell you never to get too comfortable or let your guard down, but all of us had.”

  She paused, choking back more tears. “We started our normal route. Stopped to talk to some of the locals before continuing on. The sun was so bright that day. I told Rollins that I couldn’t wait to see snow again and he laughed because I had mentioned how much I hated the winters in Kentucky. Then we started talking about what we planned to do on leave when we got back to the States.” Swiping at her face again, she went on. “I never noticed how deserted the area along the railroad tracks was until it was too late. But I looked around and it became apparent just when a loud whistle blew.” Sera stopped again, heaving in a deep breath. “I thought a train was coming.” She looked off to the side. “No trains ever passed through there, though.”

  Covering her eyes with her hands, she said, “There was never a train. I guess I imagined the whistle.”

  Tyler listened as Sera’s cries turned into a soul-ripping howl. The conversation he’d patiently waited to have for more than a week was harder to bear than he’d imagined. He shook his head, rubbing his hand over his face. Needing some comfort to soothe his own aching emotions, he reached out to take her hand, but she folded them together in her lap.

  “I remember every painstaking detail,” Sera continued. “When the blast went off, the pressure of my jaw smashing up into the roof of my mouth was so excruciating. Each of my eardrums felt as if they were being gouged with the tip of a knife at the same time. It was like someone was driving screws down into the top of my head. Those are just the immediate sensations—when the shock of it begins to subside, it’s the lung-clogging smoke that makes you think you’re dying.”

  Tyler finally found his voice. “But you were okay?”

  Sera shook her head, but let out a small, dry laugh. “I thought I was dead. I couldn’t see anything, my face was so filled with dust and grime. I didn’t know the truck was on its side until I unbuckled my seatbelt and fell down into the passenger seat. I figured the pain I felt in my side as I hit meant I wasn’t dead.” She tried to laugh again, but it came out weak.