Drive Me Sane Read online

  When he heard her door close, he flung himself back against the couch and thought about what she had said about his gut. He knew it was in reference to his music and what song he was thinking about, but his gut was telling him it was time to make things right with her.

  CHAPTER 3

  Sera looked at the clock. Almost one. Half the day was gone already. She wondered what time it had been when Tyler finally went to sleep the night before. For a long time after their short talk, she’d lain awake hearing him play the same tune over and over. Each time, she tried to put a name to the notes that sounded familiar, but nothing ever came to mind. The last time she looked it was almost three o’clock, but she honestly had no idea when she’d actually drifted off.

  She had purposely staying camped out in her room this morning, hoping to avoid as much contact with Tyler as possible. But realizing she couldn’t stow away all day, she finally emerged, ate some toast, and showered before going outside to inspect his truck.

  Bending down, she rubbed her hand over a nickel-sized dent and cringed with shame at how quickly she’d lost her temper the day before. More than that, she hated that Tyler had seen the unpleasant act. Of course, at the time, none of that had mattered. All that mattered was the one person she absolutely didn’t want to run into was exactly the one who’d shown up.

  “Looks like we got a vandal running around.”

  Startled, Sera jumped back, covering her hand over her chest. Her heart took off like a jackhammer, the irregular beats making her unsteady. Blowing out a few small puffs of air to rein in her pulse, she looked up to find Tyler standing a few feet away. His hair stuck up in all directions with a long piece swaying across his forehead. His long basketball shorts and a University of Kentucky T-shirt were the total opposite from the worn jeans from the day before. “Jesus, you scared me,” she said.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  With a nod of her head, she said, “Yeah.”

  Straightening her shoulders, her eyes instinctively looked down as the fabric of his shirt stretched across the width of his chest when he crossed his arms behind his head. Then, realizing what she’d done, she pulled her face back up to meet his. Cupping her hand over her forehead to shield the sunlight, she tried not to obsess about how good he still looked or let his closeness get the best of her again.

  “I thought you’d given up your delinquent ways.” Tyler gave a look down towards the spot where she’d seen the small dent.

  Sera glanced away. Her short fuse had actually tamed the past few years. Extra duty and more pushups than she ever wanted to admit had cured her bad habit of speaking her mind and lashing out. Overall, she couldn’t deny her time spent in the army had been a good experience and the structure she needed; but it had also come with a price that she was still paying even though her time serving had come to an end. Unfortunately, the sight of Tyler had brought back the ugly side of her personality she’d thought had ended as well.

  She knew he was joking by the way he kept smiling, but as the pace of her pulse rose and her palms moistened, she also knew she was on the verge of losing control again too. She could feel warmth rising out of her chest, although she wasn’t sure if it should be blamed on the heat from the bright rays bearing down or the way Tyler’s eyes fixated on her. How could he appear after almost three years and act as if all was all right? Every time she looked at him, she felt like a raving lunatic, with an array of emotions running wild. She wanted to scream and yell, then break down and cry for all the heartache he’d caused.

  Tyler was the one constant in her life. Or had been, anyway. The one person besides Roy whom she’d been able to count on for anything and everything. The one who knew her better than she sometimes knew herself, who pushed her to be a better person. He had no idea how difficult her deployment had been, knowing she didn’t have him to come home to, and now after three years, he stood right in front of her, acting as if no time had passed.

  Knowing that if she stood there much longer some sort of talk would ensue—and likely even more harsh feelings spew, or maybe even tears—she bit back the snappy reply she had lined up. “Like I said before, I’m sorry about the truck.”

  She walked past him, back into the house.

  • • •

  Full of guilt, Tyler lay on the couch, more listening to the television than watching. In the six hours since Sera had disappeared back to her room, he’d more than once been tempted to pack up and head back to Nashville. Leaving now, though, would end any possibility of making the past right, which he’d already decided he wanted to do. But how to go about doing that was the problem. He couldn’t read Sera as well as he used to. Provoking her, as he’d done earlier in the day, used to break down her defenses. It hadn’t worked in his favor this time, and he wasn’t really sure how to reach out when she seemed so far away and different. There had been a time when he’d known everything there was to know about her. He could calculate her mood just by the way she walked. Now, though, when she spoke, she was reserved and cautious. He hated knowing that they had come to a point where they were no longer comfortable with one another.

  The sound of her door opening jerked him up into a sitting position, but then he lay back quietly pretending to watch TV again when she walked through the living room into the kitchen and began looking through the cabinets. He considered offering to take her out to eat, thinking it might help ease some of the tension between them if they could sit down in a neutral place and actually have a full conversation, but then decided distance was probably best since she hadn’t so far shown any interest in being in a room with him for more than a few minutes at a time.

  Besides, the view gave him the opportunity to admire what he’d only been able to see in the picture that he still carried around in his wallet. Her hair, a milky shade of brown, swung loosely around in a long ponytail as she moved around the room. He used to love to run his fingers through the soft strands and remembered how soothing Sera said it was for her as well. When she bent over to get a pan out of the lower cabinet, he couldn’t help but think just how perfectly his hands had wrapped around her slender hips. Pleasuring each other had always come naturally. Sera could work magic on his body, just as he knew exactly what turned her on. Then again, everything between them had come easily and simply, except for those few months before she deployed to Afghanistan. There had been nothing easy about that time.

  • • •

  “Are you hungry?” Sera yelled from the kitchen just as she heard Tyler’s phone start ringing.

  “Yeah,” he answered back, before saying hello and taking the call out to the porch.

  After spending the entire afternoon in her bedroom thinking about the situation, she’d decided she couldn’t take the constant strain. Tyler was there. For how long she didn’t know, but she couldn’t stay in her room for the next couple of days, much less weeks if that was the case. Besides, if she ever wanted to move forward in her life, she had to let go of the hostility she still held onto. After all, moving on was the reason she’d come back to Cobb City.

  However, letting go proved harder than she’d imagined when the two of them sat across from each other at the table. She fidgeted with her napkin, trying to make small talk about her Uncle Roy and Tyler’s mom, Diana, but that ran dry and awkwardness took over, sinking them back into an annoying silence. In between bites, she stared off at the bland white walls, wondering how it was possible that she didn’t know what to say to someone that she’d once shared so much with. It was just a matter of time before the past crept up and an inevitable talk ensued. Their relationship hadn’t ended on a clear note; however, for now she was content to put it off for as long as possible. If she was lucky, maybe Tyler would soon be on his way and then they could get back to forgetting about each other all over again.

  When they were done, Tyler seemed all too happy to get away when she dismissed his offer to help clean up the kitchen. Not that she minded. The taciturnity had her ready to escape back to her room. B
ut then she heard a long strum of his guitar from out on the porch and stood at the sink, unable to move. The next few notes had her setting the plate she’d just rinsed aside and leaning against the counter to listen more closely. His fingers danced with the strings. She closed her eyes, getting lost in his music. She loved to hear him play just as much as she enjoyed his voice.

  Unsure of how long she stood there, she opened her eyes when she started humming along. She didn’t allow herself to play his album that often, but she’d listened enough to recognize most of the songs. But hearing them with a full band and Tyler singing the lyrics was completely different than hearing only the guitar’s acoustic version as she was now.

  Drying her hands, she stood still, slipping back to the soulful sounds. With each new song, she grew more curious about his career, until she was caught up in the excitement and momentarily forgot all about the strain between them. She was at the door, ready to go out and listen for a while, when she heard the familiar tune from the night before start up again. The chords were slow and saddening. Closing her eyes, she searched for the words she knew were there. They came just as Tyler finished strumming the chorus. She got a trip around the world and I got a box of regrets. She’d love to hate that song. She didn’t have to ask to know it was about their breakup. The lyrics too closely resembled details of their life together. And although she could recognize its beauty, it was also heart wrenching to hear at the same time.

  “Track number seven,” she stated, pushing the door open a little with her foot.

  She recognized the surprise on his face and couldn’t hold back the smile that came with knowing she could still read him so easily. “I like ‘Blue Jean Kinda Night,’ too,” she said shyly.

  “Someone bought my record.” Tyler beamed, his mood completely different than the solemn way he sat through dinner.

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

  “Honestly?” He shook his head with a throaty chuckle. “No. Not unless it was to smash it into a million pieces.”

  “Such faith in me,” she joked, seeing for the first time a small resemblance of the man she used to know. “So track seven seems to have you hung up. Is that what you’re considering next?” Anxiety over the answer filled her stomach.

  Tyler hesitated. “I’m just not sure about it.”

  Sera thought on that for a moment, and decided that it was a subject better left untouched. She offered a straight face. “Again, I’m sure whatever song you choose, it will do just fine.” Then, moving her foot, she let the door close and went back inside.

  • • •

  Tyler set his guitar against the railing and leaned back into the swing, wondering if Sera would ever sit still long enough to have a decent conversation with him and if she did, would he figure out what exactly to say. Every opportunity he had to try and talk to her seemed to sneak up without warning. Like the night before when he wanted to apologize and instead coughed out how weird it was that they were both there. Their time at the dinner table came and went without one thought leaving his mouth and his chance just now seemed only like it might be an opening for an argument. She’d obviously heard the song yet refused to call it by name, which didn’t leave him all that confident about how she might feel if it was released. He’d written “Box of Regrets” while trying to cope with the guilt of losing her. He’d broken her heart once. He wasn’t sure he could consciously live with himself if he broke it every time she turned on the radio.

  CHAPTER 4

  Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Tyler saw lines extending out of the corners of his eyes that he hadn’t noticed before. He wondered what the women who hung around to flirt after his shows might think if they could see him now. The rugged appearance he wore on stage took more to attain than most realized. If it were as simple as pulling on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and going out to sing, life would be easy. But it wasn’t. In fact it was stressful and tiresome and sometimes he wondered why he wanted to do it in the first place. The circles underneath his eyes were evidence of that. They were usually masked by all the lighting on stage, but in Roy’s well-lit bathroom they boldly stood out. Life on the road was taking its toll on him—and not in a good way.

  With half of another day already wasted by his continuing the never-ending chase for a good night’s sleep, he hopped in the shower, hoping to summon up some motivation to take advantage of the rest of the day. The hot water felt good against his tense shoulders, but it did little for the slight throb in his head. Then again, it seemed he always had a headache lately. The constant stress of being on the road and all the added attention from his hit “Endless Night” didn’t help. Interviews, charity events, fan meet-and-greets. You name it, he had been there. It was to the point he couldn’t even rely on a day to rest while on the bus in route to his next show because he was too busy catching late-night and red-eye flights just to keep up. He hadn’t stopped for the past four months; hadn’t spent more than three consecutive days at his own house in Nashville. And while he’d considered staying there while off, he knew his mom and Roy were in Florida, and he believed being surrounded by the simple things from a time when music had been a way to pass the time and not so much work would help him make peace with the release. At least that had been the idea, until he found Sera there. How ironic it was, that he was now sharing a house with the reason he was in the dilemma to begin with.

  He half hated that he’d chosen to put the song on the record. Of course, everyone had fallen in love with it. It was an emotional love song. A wonderful ballad. At least two top-notch artists had asked to record it, to which he’d declined. He’d written the song, poured his soul into it, and he had no interest in letting someone else try to convey the feelings it possessed. But damned if he was ready to throw all that out to the world to hear.

  The absence of footsteps tracking across the wooden floor and lack of whisper from the TV had Tyler scouting the house for Sera when he came out of the bathroom.

  A look in the living room and kitchen showed no signs of her. Her bedroom door had been ajar when he passed so he knew she wasn’t hiding in there again either. A bit of worry and irritation came when he stepped outside and didn’t find her on the porch or in the yard.

  Fearing maybe she’d left without saying goodbye, he went back to her room and saw her nightgown strewn over the end of the bed. Personal items still littered the dresser. It didn’t appear she’d left for good, but then he couldn’t count anything out when it came to the things she did. He’d never imagined she’d walk away from their relationship without something to say, but she had.

  Needing a break from the place that was a constant reminder of the only woman he ever loved, he got in his truck and headed to town. He made it a little over a mile down the road when he saw her walking. A laugh fell out of his mouth. Again it seemed that fate had stepped in and placed the very thing he was running from right in his path.

  Slowing about thirty feet away, he enjoyed the gentle twist of her hips and swinging of her arms in perfect rhythm as her feet tapped lightly against the gravel road. It wasn’t until he stopped completely that she turned around, showing a face full of trepidation. What he’d do to know what was going through her mind. Did she really hate him? She had every right to. Or was she both happy and sad to see him at the same time? More importantly, did she still love him? In any possible way? She had no reason to, but he couldn’t help but hope that what they’d shared had been too special, too meaningful just to evaporate into air. At least, it had been that way for him.

  He rolled down his window. “Going somewhere?”

  • • •

  Sera inhaled a deep breath through her nose and held it for a moment. If Tyler didn’t stop sneaking up and scaring the shit out of her, she was liable to make a complete fool of herself. Crossing her arms over her chest, she glanced down. She needed some space. She couldn’t go through the day holed up in the house with him again and she’d go stir crazy if she tried to stay in her room any
longer. Every time she looked at him she felt a pull. Longing for the familiarity that they shared tugged her one way, while her broken heart pushed her the other. She tried to be angry because that at least felt good for a few seconds, but then as soon as it disappeared she remembered all the good times they’d had.

  She was a mess. Heck, she was a mess without Tyler there. Add him into the equation and she felt like a blooming freak show. “I needed to go into town.”

  “Did you consider driving? It’s five miles there and back.”

  No, she thought. Actually it had never crossed her mind. She’d sold her old car after getting back from Afghanistan. With most things on base within walking distance she saw no need to rush out and buy another and since she’d only been back in Cobb City a week, she hadn’t even considered it yet. “I don’t have a car,” she answered.

  “All you had to do was ask. You’re welcome to mine anytime.”

  She eyed the large vehicle in front of her. That definitely wasn’t happening. Giving him a prudent face, she said, “Oh, I can imagine myself driving this bus. No, thanks!”

  With a goofy grin and a tilt of his head, he said, “All right then, hop in. The bus will at least give you a lift.”

  Her shoulders sagged as she walked around the front of the truck and opened the door. Hoisting herself up at least two feet off the ground, she sank down in the bulky leather seat and buckled her seatbelt. She really hated his truck, or rather the vision of the blonde in the video riding in the exact place she was now sitting. The woman smiled flirtingly over at Tyler, her full red lips licking each other as if she were a sex kitten ready to pounce. Sera had no idea who the actress was, but was certain she hated her too.

  “So where are we headed?” he asked, forcing her to look up at the gravel road ahead.

  “The bank, grocery store, and post office, but you can just drop me off at the bank. I can manage from there. Maggie will bring me home when she gets off work.”