Drive Me Sane Page 6
Sitting down on the back steps, her head moved back and forth with every trip Tyler made across the lawn. She didn’t even try to hide the fact that she was looking at him. He knew she was there. He flashed a big grin and she waved back. It was silly that the simple gesture made her all giddy inside, but it did.
By the time he pulled up and stopped in front of her, the tingling had her squeezing her thighs together. She felt like a hormonal teenager, because only a teenager could find beads of moisture rolling down one’s neck erotic. She bit down on her lip, combating the urge to lick the wetness away. He reeked of a mixture of earth and salty sweat, but somehow she even found that enticing.
“Need something?” he asked as he turned the mower off.
Grateful for the distraction, she asked, “Do you want something to drink?”
“Water,” he answered, swiping his arm across his forehead.
Okay, so she was definitely in a hormonal tangle—and pretty sure her lips could do a better job of absorbing the dampness than his forearm had.
She stood, uneasy from the flames sparking through her hips. “Sure.” She nodded. “I’ll be right back.”
Grabbing a bottle from the refrigerator, she let it swing closed with a little more force than she meant. What was wrong with her? Staring and excited over seeing Tyler naked. She’d seen him naked plenty of times—fully naked, at that. His lack of clothing wasn’t the only reason she couldn’t get him out of her mind. She’d been thinking about him since lying in bed last night. Their talk at the train tracks had somehow brought her some resolve and despite her reservations of becoming involved with Tyler again, in those moments before she drifted off to sleep, she really wished for the comfort of having him there with her.
• • •
After coming in from the yard, Tyler noticed a missed call from his manager. He went to the porch with the intention to return it, but then went back inside without doing so. Seeing that Sera was making dinner, he took a shower. He gave his phone another look as he pulled on a pair of jeans. After pulling a T-shirt over his head, he dialed. Almost immediately, he was greeted with the false air of bullshit that he’d become accustomed to when it came to dealing with Bradley.
“Hey, Tyler. My man. How’s Kentucky?”
“It’s good,” Tyler answered, already knowing what the call was about.
“So we’ve got a deadline. What do you say? Can I give them the go ahead for the song?”
A pull in Tyler’s shoulder tightened. It was just a song. Wasn’t that what Sera had said? “I’m still not sold on it.”
“Ty, look. The label is breathing down my neck on this. They wanted it announced weeks ago and agreed to give you a few days. They want it out there before this tour kicks off, which is a little more than two weeks away. There’s a lot that goes into promotion. You know that. It needs to be on the air by the time those bus tires start rolling.”
“Yeah, I know.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck. Some of the tension he’d woken up with had eased during the day, but as soon as he heard Bradley’s voice it was back.
“So give the okay on the damn song. Quit making this difficult. You’re going to shit this away if you don’t.”
“I gave them other options.”
“And they were clear that this was the song they want next. They want to show your softer side. You’ve done the hyped-up redneck thing. Let’s let the fans know Tyler Creech isn’t just a beer-guzzling, chick-chasing Neanderthal. That he’s had heartache just like everyone else.”
Bradley had no idea how true that statement was. He didn’t drink, nor actively chase women, and he’d seen more than his share of heartache, which was the problem. The song wasn’t something that came to him sporadically in the middle of the night. He wasn’t feeding off a friend’s despair. He’d bared his soul in that song and he wasn’t sure how the other person involved might feel about her life being heard by millions.
“Give me till tomorrow.”
Bradley sighed. “Tyler, you know they’re going to do what they want anyway. They’re just trying to make you feel as if you have a say and to let you think you’re included.”
He was well aware of that. It was in his contract. Something he definitely intended to address when it was time for renewal. “One more day,” he reiterated.
• • •
Sera knew something was off when Tyler sat down to the table for dinner. Gone were the silly grins he’d been using to try to hide his tired and ragged face. In their place were lines of worry extending around the edges of his lips, and a deep crinkle in his forehead that illustrated his thoughts. Was there more going on that she didn’t know about? Or was he worked up solely about the next song?
It didn’t take Einstein to know his dilemma. He’d casually mentioned that he wasn’t sure how it would be received and she had good inclination that he was referring to what she thought of it. Two days ago she would have sworn that he was guiding a knife slowly into her heart and turning it ever so lightly so she could feel every inch of its blade. But some resolve had come to her yesterday. With the decision to more or less fight for her life back or the life she wanted, she also came to the conclusion that it was time to let go of all the animosity with Tyler. Like she’d already admitted, she knew she had a good hand in his decision to end their relationship, and it was time that she let bygones be bygones.
With little talk at the table, she began missing the easiness of the day. They’d sat on the back porch and talked for more than an hour when she brought him the water. Mostly catching up about Roy and Diana. It was a safe topic, one she appreciated after the polluted thoughts that came from watching him mow. It was also a nice way to spend the afternoon. However, the evening had turned cumbersome again.
After helping clean up, Tyler returned to the porch. Sera had left him to his thoughts that morning. But with the compassion he’d shown the last couple of days, she couldn’t continually ignore that he was stressed out too.
Standing in the doorway, she looked out into the darkness. Uncle Roy lived down in a little holler, as the folks around there called it. It was a small gully carved in the hills where the sky darkened quicker than in town and the surrounding wilderness overpowered everything around, making the space feel like a box once night fell. Even after living in Cobb City for almost nine years and thinking of it as home, she still couldn’t say the word like everyone else. Haller, she pronounced to herself, unable to attain the accent that Eastern Kentucky folks had. Hollow, she said again. The word never seemed to run properly off her tongue.
“Only eight o’clock and it’s dark already,” she said, stepping through the open door.
• • •
Tyler turned with Sera’s voice. He didn’t need her to remind him that they had run out of daylight. Soon the darkness would also disappear, announcing another day had arrived, which meant two things. One, he had a call to make, and two, he was one more day closer to leaving. Three weeks had sounded like forever upon his arrival, but it was passing by too quickly. There was too much to do, too much to say, and way too much to make up for in too little of time. “Just think, in a couple of months it’ll be getting dark at like six,” he replied.
“Guess you’ll be living the high life again by then,” she said, smiling at him.
God, how he missed that smile. She was beginning to do it often too. Not that he was complaining. He enjoyed seeing the pleasure radiating out of her. “The high life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
Glad she’d come out, he took a seat in the swing, and then patted the spot next to him for her to sit as well.
“Really?” she asked.
Tyler pushed off the porch with his legs setting the swing into motion. “It gets pretty stressful and tiring and lonely.”
“Doesn’t sound all that appealing.” She laughed.
Tyler looked over. Her cheeks still rolled from the giggle and her eyes flew wide with curiosity. Most days, life on the road wasn’t appealing, but
then—“Actually when I’m up on stage there’s no better feeling. There’s something about looking out into the crowd and focusing on someone who’s singing right along with you. They know every word and you can see in their eyes that it means something to them. Whether it’s just a memory of a good time or a loved one, it lets you know what you’re doing is right.” He paused. “It’s the before and after that wears on you. Not to mention the politics of it all.”
“I thought the before and after would be the exciting part,” Sera said. “All the places you get to see.”
He gave another hard push with his feet, propelling the swing backwards, then forwards again. “If I got to see them, yeah, it would be. Usually, I’m too tired to do anything before, and depending on the show, sometimes I don’t get off stage until almost midnight. By the time we’re all packed up and ready to go, it’s well into the middle of the night and hard to fall asleep from the hype of it all. Like I said, it gets stressful and tiring after a while.”
“You forgot lonely.” Sera gave him a teasing nudge with her elbow.
Smiling back, Tyler said, “Yeah, it gets pretty lonely too.”
“You know, there’s medication to help you with stress. Also things that will help you sleep,” she offered facetiously, throwing Tyler’s words back at him.
“I’m well aware of the meds, but unlike you, I don’t have a problem with taking them.”
• • •
Tyler’s confession surprised Sera. She turned to fully face him, to see if he was joking, and knew by the way his lips pulled tight that he wasn’t. Worried that she might have offended him, she started to apologize. “Tyler, I didn’t—”
“It’s all right. No offense taken,” he interrupted.
“What do you take?” she asked.
“Why? Are you interested in seeing if I have better stuff than you?”
She nudged him again, letting him know she’d gotten his joke.
He laughed back. It was so good to hear his laugh.
“Xanax,” Tyler said. “A low dose for anxiety, but I mostly take it at night to help me sleep.”
“Been there and done that,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m on Celexa and Trazodone now, but they keep changing it up every few months to see what works best.”
“And what works best?”
Sleeping next to you. “Nothing really.”
“What happened over there, Sera?”
Tyler’s voice dropped and with it, Sera’s heart. She didn’t want to go there. Not tonight. The day had been good for her. No meltdowns or arguments. In fact, she’d enjoyed one of the more pleasant and peaceful days she’d had in a long time and she didn’t want it to end laced with bad memories.
“We’ve talked about me. I think tonight you should tell me what the problem is with your release.”
Staring straight ahead, it took Tyler several long minutes to respond. “You’ve heard the song. What do you think of it?”
Although she knew the answer, she asked anyway. “So that’s the song you want to release?”
“Actually no … ah.” Tyler ran a hand through his thick hair. “I don’t know.” Crossing his arms, he continued. “I do in a way and I don’t. My label is pushing it, though.”
Worried that the conversation may propel them into another argument, she tried to make herself comfortable by turning in the swing to face him. Her knee brushed against his thigh as she did, sending another zap of energy surging through her.
Taking a breath, she answered. “The song is beautiful. You should release it.” The words, although honest and simple, weren’t easy to say. So much emotion came along with hearing that song, she didn’t know where to begin.
With no movement—even the swing had stopped—Tyler stared straight ahead. “They’ll release it no matter what I say. They don’t need my approval. Please don’t placate me with what you think I want to hear. You know what the song is about. I need to know how you’re going to feel about hearing it on the radio.”
So it had nothing to do with her approval or his permission at all. The song would be aired whether either one of them liked it. She at least appreciated Tyler took how she might feel about it into consideration.
She thought hard before replying again, this time trying to convey more deeply how the song affected her. “The first time I heard it, I hated it. I ejected it out of the player and was about to throw the disk on the ground and stomp it into a zillion pieces like you said, but I couldn’t. Something wouldn’t let me. So I listened again. I’m pretty sure the urge the second time was even stronger, but still I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. It sat on my desk for a few days before I popped it in again. After the initial shock wore off, I was able to appreciate its beauty. I wasn’t lying when I told you it’s beautiful and that you should release it. I don’t doubt it will be a hit.”
When Tyler didn’t respond and turned his face away again, silently staring off into the darkness, Sera sat confused on what maybe she did or didn’t say. She’d told him how wonderful the song was despite how difficult it had been to hear. He wanted to know how you felt.
Clasping her hands, she looked down. Her stomach knotted. She swallowed back the vulnerability that came with releasing her feelings. “It broke my heart all over again,” she said, thinking back to the heart-wrenching anguish of hearing their breakup—and how much Tyler had cared for her—played through music. The song implied he had some regrets and she wasn’t sure exactly what those were, but his feelings for her had been clear. It was a permanent painful reminder of the love that she’d lost. Yet in some way, each time she heard it, the pain lessened.
Tyler turned to say something, but Sera cut him off with a raise of her hand. He’d asked and she’d started, so he was going to hear everything she had to say before she changed her mind.
“But hearing that you had felt as deeply for me as I did you was comforting. I know it’s just a song and every word didn’t derive from our relationship, but I hope our time together didn’t leave you with a box of regret as the title states. I hope nothing I gave you or we had ended up being stuffed into a cardboard box, because there’s nothing about our relationship I’ve ever regretted, Tyler.”
CHAPTER 10
Tyler barely heard the loud thump that woke him. He hadn’t been in bed long enough to drift off permanently, caught somewhere in between reliving the day with Sera and the black clouds that take over just as you let it all go. Their talk, although difficult to swallow, did give him some respite with the song’s release. Hearing Sera’s confession had made him sad, but happy in a way too. He’d broken her heart not once, but twice. He’d come here, trying to work through the feelings of possibly doing it a third time—and now he knew he would do anything to make sure it never happened again. Their talk had also given him hope that Sera might still feel as strongly for him as he did her.
His chest burned with excitement from seeing her eye him all day. What he liked even more was she wasn’t acting shy about it. It was a glimpse of the old Sera. He missed the outgoing woman he fell in love with, but there was something captivating about the newer version too. It didn’t matter which personality was standing in, the introvert or extrovert. Both sides pulled at him in a way he hadn’t felt for a while.
He hadn’t realized just how bad of a funk he’d been in until he’d arrived there. The exhaustion was wearing on him. Most days he preferred to stay in bed with no care or concern for what was really going on. Other than his mom and Roy, he’d lost all contact with anyone from Cobb City and the constant rounds from state to state never left much time for making new friends. He had his band mates, most of whom spent their free time with their children and wives. Jayson, his drummer, was the one person he talked to on a regular basis other than his manager, Bradley. And Bradley was far from being someone Tyler trusted on a personal level. They were from two different sides of the spectrum. They worked well together, but that was where any relationship began and ended. Tyler had pre
tty much been on his own for a while. He worked all the time and when he wasn’t working, he was thinking about work. Other than that, he had nothing else going for him. Not even anyone to share all that he’d busted his ass for to achieve. He missed quiet dinners and watching TV. Sitting on the porch talking about the day. He even found mowing the yard and grocery shopping entertaining. Like Sera, he missed being normal. Their demons might be different, but they were fighting some of the same things.
When another loud sound came, he worried that someone might be trying to break in and got up. He looked first in the living room and kitchen, before checking both doors and the bathroom. Seeing that everything was okay, he knocked on Sera’s door last. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor with an open cardboard box in front of her.
“I’m sorry, some other boxes fell out of the top of my closet when I was trying to get this one down,” she explained.